Shrek it out--on DVD

This weekend, to add some levity to my lethargic and busy life, I went to see Shrek 2. After a four hour rehearsal, I pitter-pattered myself to Union Square to catch the 5:40pm showing of Shrek 2, but upon discovering the 6pm was digital, opted for that showing instead. I plop myself about 8 rows from the front of this tiny theatre and it is nearly empty. I realizing, as the sounds of conversation start coming into focus, this is a cartoon... which means there will be children. I love kids, but there are two places they shouldn't be taken without a "if you don't behave we're gonna leave you there" speech: airplanes and movie theatres.

In an airplane, you're stuck in a confined space until you arrive at your destination and a kid can get antsy. Kicking seats, making obnoxious comments, being loud, and crying for attention are unacceptable behaviors. I understand a baby that cries while the plane descends (I have a couple of times wanted to do the same the pressure was so bad on my ears) or a baby for that matter if traveling across country, in a place. But a four year old can have a certain amount of decorum to keep his or her shit together. I flew all the time as a child and got tons of free things from crew member for being polite and quiet. Maybe that's incentive. A movie theatre, however, is not an acceptable place for a baby. Even some children should be left at home and unlike a plane, you cna actually pick yourself up and take your child out of the theatre. Any child under 4 years of age, pretty much, is a DVD watcher. But, this Sunday, a couple was retarded enough to bring their maybe 18 month old daughter to see Shrek 2... this isn't Teletubbies! The movie did fill up with children, but when the previews started, they all clammed up. Not a sound from a one of them, not even a cell phone went off--which was better than when I went to see Troy and some chick's cell phone went off with some stupid ring--no, not a classical music ring--think of the most anoying ring ever--got it: that's it. However, once the previews ended and the movie begun, the young kid in her stroller in the aisle, presenting itself as a ire hazard, begins the annoying cry. Not "wah! wah!" but a high pitched nasally "eeeehhnnnnnn!" Through the first 15 minutes of the film, rather than taking the child out of the theatre to quiet her down, they just turn to her, in her stroller and try to soothe her. Then they take her out and hold her, trying to soothe her again. The people in front make a comment--so would I!--and after 5 more minutes of "eeeehhnnnnn!" they leave. And all is quiet but the flick.

The flick was a parody of all those recognizable pop culture staples and blockbusters: Mission Impossible, The Fifth Element, The Simpsons, The Fabulous Baker Boys, Ghostbusters, Beauty and the Beast. Alas, it wasn't enough to keep me enthralled. There were only a few items that kept me interested. One was Prince Charming played brilliantly by Rupert Everett (I think he'd be a dashing James Bond, gay or no) and drawn with that momma's boy perfection with Burger King-like crown on head after getting his Happy Meal-like order from a fast food drive thru. Fairy Godmother, played by Jennifer Saunders of AbFab fame--too delicious. You love her, you hate her, you don't know whether to kiss her or hit her, but both kinda excite you. But the one character they are and will continue to talk about it the only character worth watching played with the precision of a voice master (and what a voice it is) and drawn to the characteristic T of a real feline: Puss In Boots, aka Antonio Bandera. I cannot say enough about this animated drawing and yet, no words can convey the artistic and creative flair Mr. Banderas took to impart such endearing and cat-like qualities to this character. You can't help but want to hug him--and then, like a cat, you've just opened yourself up to his claws of peril. Beware of the doe eyes. It is worth the $10.25 to see Puss, but only a one-timer film. If you're saving your pennies, wait 6 months for the DVD or Pay-Per-View.

And on the Sopranos (here's the spoiler if you haven't seen it) poor Adriana can't keep her shit together and the stress has caused her to have colitis. Yummy. She also gets caught in a murder cover-up with a guy who deals drugs probably for terrorist funding and almost gets choked to death by Christopher. He can't do it, but Silvio can. Now, she can fly to LA and film "Joey" for NBC.

Tonight, Tonight: Jason Mraz at the Beacon Theatre for his Curbside Prophets Tour with Hawaiian slack-key guitarist Makana.