Don't judge me
I think I'm on number 26 in regards to the number of people I know who are engaged now which, in addition to the number of people I know who are married, ups my grand total to 42 smug couples. As is my running topic, I'm looking at the number of smiling couples planning their nuptials and feeling that pressure--more so this week after talking New Year's wedding in SF for Susan and seeing all my married/engaged friend this week. I've succeeded in keeping clear from fiancé status by meeting and pursuing emotionally unavailable (also known as stunted, immature, retarded) men. While they can be altogether unfulfilling and dissatisfactory in many ways, the one thing that I fear is the engaged/married couple judging me and my single lifestyle.
I went to a concert last night with Shenan and Alex, my two closest friends who are married. We hung out and danced and chatted ourselves away. Also present, Jamie and his fiancé Lauren, and Raman and Jess who are also engaged. So there I was, the free-wheeling single gal feeling out of place in this group. Everyone coupled up with one another and me, the sixth toe. It isn't a bad situation so much as a lonely one; like everyone is in on the joke but you. What makes this worse is the silent or very vocal judging my friends knowingly or unknowingly do. A passing or off-hand comment in which they've gone from "you're so cool" to "what the hell is wrong with you?" For some reason, I am judged based on my single status, the type of men I date, the type of social activities I engage in, specifically the late bar nights. They may not know they are doing this, but it is pretty obnoxious.
Now, I know that you're married/engaged and I'm happy for you, but please, dear Lord, don't ask me when I'm getting hitched. It is as if your moving on to married life means you have somehow achieved the next level of enlightenment. Oh please, sometimes the step after that is divorce. I'm single, let me be. As for the fact you've decided to stop dating recklessly, that doesn't give you the right to suddenly decide that because I haven't makes me weird or weak or sick or somehow less of a person than I am. Don't tell me what's wrong with the guys I date (I probably already know) and don't think you can somehow solve it and usher me into coupledom with someone you think would be "nice" for me. Likely, he's not my type. And I like to go out late and have fun with my few single friends left so you're telling me how empty it is does not make me want to stop doing it. I'm happy you feel your life is somehow magically fulfilled by another person (god-forbid divorce happens to you!), but maybe I have other things to fulfill my life that do not revolve around another person. It grows immensely disconcerting when former single turned engaged/married friends try to take advantage of my single status when it helps them, but can't be there for me in return when I have angst over something or want a buddy to hang out with. Stop the hypocrisy and the judging. No, your life is not more important than mine because you have more tax breaks than I do or will have 12 bridesmaids or are expecting a baby. Just remember, when you do get divorced, you're going to need support from your friends, and if you weren't there to support us and be nonjudgmental, don't expect us to be. You made your bed, you sleep in it.
Is that slight bitterness? Probably. After someone implies I don't have much of a life due to the lack of a relationship status, I tend to get a bit pissy and want to kick 'em off their high-n-mighty ass. This is why I spend much of my time traveling and making myself unavailable: for some reason, it is more acceptable than me having free time and not dating anyone. It is a practive in self-meditation: I'm perfectly fine just the way I am; people who judge me are unhappy in someway and need to make themselves feel better by putting my lifestyle down. Poop on you!
I went to a concert last night with Shenan and Alex, my two closest friends who are married. We hung out and danced and chatted ourselves away. Also present, Jamie and his fiancé Lauren, and Raman and Jess who are also engaged. So there I was, the free-wheeling single gal feeling out of place in this group. Everyone coupled up with one another and me, the sixth toe. It isn't a bad situation so much as a lonely one; like everyone is in on the joke but you. What makes this worse is the silent or very vocal judging my friends knowingly or unknowingly do. A passing or off-hand comment in which they've gone from "you're so cool" to "what the hell is wrong with you?" For some reason, I am judged based on my single status, the type of men I date, the type of social activities I engage in, specifically the late bar nights. They may not know they are doing this, but it is pretty obnoxious.
Now, I know that you're married/engaged and I'm happy for you, but please, dear Lord, don't ask me when I'm getting hitched. It is as if your moving on to married life means you have somehow achieved the next level of enlightenment. Oh please, sometimes the step after that is divorce. I'm single, let me be. As for the fact you've decided to stop dating recklessly, that doesn't give you the right to suddenly decide that because I haven't makes me weird or weak or sick or somehow less of a person than I am. Don't tell me what's wrong with the guys I date (I probably already know) and don't think you can somehow solve it and usher me into coupledom with someone you think would be "nice" for me. Likely, he's not my type. And I like to go out late and have fun with my few single friends left so you're telling me how empty it is does not make me want to stop doing it. I'm happy you feel your life is somehow magically fulfilled by another person (god-forbid divorce happens to you!), but maybe I have other things to fulfill my life that do not revolve around another person. It grows immensely disconcerting when former single turned engaged/married friends try to take advantage of my single status when it helps them, but can't be there for me in return when I have angst over something or want a buddy to hang out with. Stop the hypocrisy and the judging. No, your life is not more important than mine because you have more tax breaks than I do or will have 12 bridesmaids or are expecting a baby. Just remember, when you do get divorced, you're going to need support from your friends, and if you weren't there to support us and be nonjudgmental, don't expect us to be. You made your bed, you sleep in it.
Is that slight bitterness? Probably. After someone implies I don't have much of a life due to the lack of a relationship status, I tend to get a bit pissy and want to kick 'em off their high-n-mighty ass. This is why I spend much of my time traveling and making myself unavailable: for some reason, it is more acceptable than me having free time and not dating anyone. It is a practive in self-meditation: I'm perfectly fine just the way I am; people who judge me are unhappy in someway and need to make themselves feel better by putting my lifestyle down. Poop on you!
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