Cinderella doesn't live here anymore

There's no such thing as happily ever after. I've seen 13 Going On 30 twice . The first time, I went solo and came out all in self-pity. Mostly because that fairy tale ending is really a load of crap. Seriously, if they think that nice girls really get the nice boys and end up happily ever after, that's quite the contrary. If anything, I've noticed men who attach themselves to mentally or emotionally unstable women; or both. And these women must give off the most attractive pheremones on the planet because these suckers just eat it up. While it can be successfully argued that I can fall into that category on occasion, I'm fairly well-adjusted (or so I've been told by my friends) but can't seem to find a decent guy who can appreciate my quirks--while not on that Lithium level, still entertaining all the same. Either I need to find a psychiatrist to diagnose me as borderline personality or give me electro-shock therapy.

Now, the second time I saw the Garner flick, I felt a lot less self-loathing. Mostly because I didn't have to turn into a total biatch to find out that those most important in your life are the ones who stick by you. I have enough of the "Six Chix" my entire time in school when I was the ugly duck (not even a duckling). I was shunned in that really sweet way--when they find everyway they can to torture you emotionally and make you a social outcast. The only way I got to my prom was being the head of prom committee--I had to go. And being head of that committee two years in a row meant I didn't have to pay to go. It meant my date wouldn't have to fork much out moneywise. It meant I ended up going with a friend. I was turned down for the prom by this one guy who went to my school. He dated every half-breed girl at my school except for me. I'm not sure if that makes me special or if he thought I carried some kind of streptococcal infection. Doesn't matter much since, like Jenna Rink's dream boy in school, this guy peaked in high school and that was it.

Now, it is quite apparent I haven't completely grown out of being that duck in school that got picked on and tormented; that I harbor a bit of that animosity towards these folks. And honestly, I probably never will grow out of it 100%, but I think that without that unfortunate and degrading experience, I probably would have ended up morally void and cocky as all hell. (Hey, I'm not arrogant, I'm confident and self-assured! There's a difference.)

This duck has grown more saddened recently in learning that she can't get to Japan on her free ticket this summer because all award seats have been taken. No Mt. Fuji for me. And I just got my Japanese books to give myself a refresher. I have decided to go in a year for the next cherry blossom season. I'll appreciate the hot springs much more when it is a bit chilly there. It will also give me a good year to sharpen my Japanese skills and get some conversing with native speakers in NY (even if for $20/hr). It also means I'll need to decide what to do with my other ticket. I'm thinking of returning to Paris or perhaps heading to Italy (time to learn Italian) or perhaps to Costa Rica or Quito or Santiago (that means I need to learn Spanish). Once again, I'm done trying to find someone to go with me. People are busy or they suck or they lack adventure. I think they are just getting to be old fogeys without passion in their lives. Boo.

I'm going to paint my room. A lovely light shade of blue for my bedroom, maybe a bright green and dark blue for my tv room, and some muted green for my bathroom. I'll start with the bedroom first. And next week, I start rehearsals for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. It's gonna get busy and more interesting.

Listening: The Best of Bonnie Raitt