Realm of dadaist possibilities
Tuesday was like an episode straight out of the Twilight Zone--or perhaps the people I met were out of the TZ for a visit to normalcy. The day was like any other except I missed my train into the city from Westchester and had to catch the 8:58am to Grand Central. That seemed alright. The workday went fine and at the end of the day, I headed back to GCT to catch the 6:38pm train back to Bronxville. I'm sitting in a two-seater reading On the Road when a tall suit throws him coat on the rack over my head and rather brusquely says, "Excuse me," and gives me a look. I acquiesce and move my bag so her can plop himself down. This is when I get the feeling he's an ass with no manners. He must be wearing an YSL suit with a Pink tie. I'm annoyed. He fumbles through his NYT and I continue to read Kerouac.
Eventually, the doors to the train close and the conductor comes around to collect tickets. As he approaches our two-seater, Mr. Suit starts a whiney declaration of how he forgot him monthly pass in an attempt to get out of paying the $10 one-way ticket price to Bronxville. The conductor gives him a look and takes my ticket, punches it and takes my cash as I'm on a peak train and the tickets I have are for off-peak. Suit continues about how he ALWAYS takes this train and has seen the conductor before. The conductor replies with a, "I don't know any of these people, I don't know you." And how can he be expected to? This is a peak train that is over-crowded and filled with different faces. Maybe if he talked to this patron daily, but I had a feeling Mr. Suit doesn't talk to anyone "below" him. Suit gets belligerant and says he shouldn't have to pay because he just forgot his ticket at home. The conductor says he'll be back and Suit straightens his paper out.
At this point I'm thinking, what a shit! He OBVIOUSLY can afford to pay for this ticket. It is his own damned fault for forgetting his ticket. And the conductor is trying to do his job. Suit could be lying afterall. Who knows? People are strange. This is when Suit addresses me, curtly asking, "Am I right? I mean I just forgot it, he should give me a break and wave me on." I'm of the opinion this guy was spoiled rotten as a child or is so high up wherever he works, he doesn't have a clue about life's little ironies. I answer, "He's just trying to do his job. He can't be expected to know everyone's face. If it were you, you'd be trying to just do your job too." I thought this would make him see more clearly, this wasn't a personal affront; the conductor is trying to collect his fares and I have a feeling, this jerk would be an ass if the shoe were on the other foot. I imagine him treating his secretary poorly, yelling at her and speaking to his subordinates like boobies. I can see him processing this but then discarding my logical answer and retorting, "Well, I guess we'll just agree to disagree." Ugh. Blah. I'm not going to agree with him on anything unless it is that he was being an ass. Don't people take responsibility for their actions anymore? Hey, don't forget your fucking ticket ass! Blah blah blah. When the conductor returns, Suit pays for the fare (see, he had the dinero) and goes back to reading his paper. A few minutes later, he makes a call to someone and audibly relays the story of him forgetting his monthly pass.
This is when I realized the conductor gave me the incorrect change. I'm a dollar short. In all the hoopla with the stingy miser, the conductor was flustered and gave me $2 instead of $3. I'm now furthered annoyed at the bad karma Suit has put in the world and hope retribution comes swiftly. Maybe as a benign lump in his right testicle.
Later, I go to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with my friend, Dana. Now that is a film of it's own vein. Erasing painful memories to be happier in life. It answers the question, what if you could erase memories of the loved ones in your life and the events involved in those relationships? Lots of people want to after bad relationships. So this movie takes it to that step of how they'd do it and what would happen. It was genius, pure and simple. The fact is, erasing those memories probably don't make it any better for you. If anything, it makes you realize, as they are getting wiped clear, there are some special memories you want to keep. Not all relationships are bad. There are moments, like when Jim Carrey as Joel and Kate Winslet as Clementine are under the sheets talking. She goes on about how she always thought she was ugly as a child and has obviously not grown out of it. Joel sees this, her need for affirmation in her bare skin and tells her she's pretty, over and over. The techies are about to erase it when Joel realizes he wants to keep this memory, something so simple and sweet and fleeting as him telling her how beautiful she is. But he's unconscious and the tech's don't know he wants to stop the procedure, and that memory is lost. That poignant moment speaks volumes about how important one seemingly insignificant memory can be, how intricate it is to making you feel good to remember it. How indeed. The bigger message being that with the bad, comes the good. To erase all the bad and everything relating to it would be to erase the good and to change who you are as a person. Those things make up who you are and help you grow. Pain is as necessary as joy. Otherwise, how would you know the difference? No one knows how their relationships will turn out. It is likely there will be things that you won't like about the person you're with, that they'll get on your nerves and make you crazy, they'll make you want to strangle them and say mean, awful, hurtful, terrible things that you don't really mean. But if the fear that things will likely turn out badly, that it may not work out, that you'll want to leave each other keeps you from venturing forth, you will be missing out on all the things that could make you happy, and smile secretly over a cherished memory of a fleeting moment. Also, the other message I'll convey but not ruin the flick; there's no way to wipe your memory clean--there are always reminders.
This film really helped me address the rejection issue. And that all bad memories come with good ones as well. And it should be those fleeting moments that you take with you as tiny treasure boxes of joy. I guess I need to couple this with the movie 50 First Dates which I saw Sunday and how your memories are really important--the good and the bad. And if you could have your memory wiped clean on a daily basis, there will always be lingering remnants of those fleeting moments of joy that will come from your subconscious and manifest themselves in ways that people didn't think possible.
And finally, let me dig myself out of philosophical realm, there is such a thing as a second (or third or fourth) chance. They don't come very often and sometimes they aren't whole chances, but half or quarter chances; opportunities to make it right or take it a step further. When you have it presented to you, take it. It is literally a gift and those rarely come by, even in the land of karma. Even if it will end the same way possibly, there is that chance that maybe it will end better than before. But that is the ENFP in me speaking regarding possibilities. I do believe in no regret, in second chances, in the good and bad going hand in hand, and that you never know what could happen which is why you have to take advantage of every opportunity given you because it may not come again.
Eventually, the doors to the train close and the conductor comes around to collect tickets. As he approaches our two-seater, Mr. Suit starts a whiney declaration of how he forgot him monthly pass in an attempt to get out of paying the $10 one-way ticket price to Bronxville. The conductor gives him a look and takes my ticket, punches it and takes my cash as I'm on a peak train and the tickets I have are for off-peak. Suit continues about how he ALWAYS takes this train and has seen the conductor before. The conductor replies with a, "I don't know any of these people, I don't know you." And how can he be expected to? This is a peak train that is over-crowded and filled with different faces. Maybe if he talked to this patron daily, but I had a feeling Mr. Suit doesn't talk to anyone "below" him. Suit gets belligerant and says he shouldn't have to pay because he just forgot his ticket at home. The conductor says he'll be back and Suit straightens his paper out.
At this point I'm thinking, what a shit! He OBVIOUSLY can afford to pay for this ticket. It is his own damned fault for forgetting his ticket. And the conductor is trying to do his job. Suit could be lying afterall. Who knows? People are strange. This is when Suit addresses me, curtly asking, "Am I right? I mean I just forgot it, he should give me a break and wave me on." I'm of the opinion this guy was spoiled rotten as a child or is so high up wherever he works, he doesn't have a clue about life's little ironies. I answer, "He's just trying to do his job. He can't be expected to know everyone's face. If it were you, you'd be trying to just do your job too." I thought this would make him see more clearly, this wasn't a personal affront; the conductor is trying to collect his fares and I have a feeling, this jerk would be an ass if the shoe were on the other foot. I imagine him treating his secretary poorly, yelling at her and speaking to his subordinates like boobies. I can see him processing this but then discarding my logical answer and retorting, "Well, I guess we'll just agree to disagree." Ugh. Blah. I'm not going to agree with him on anything unless it is that he was being an ass. Don't people take responsibility for their actions anymore? Hey, don't forget your fucking ticket ass! Blah blah blah. When the conductor returns, Suit pays for the fare (see, he had the dinero) and goes back to reading his paper. A few minutes later, he makes a call to someone and audibly relays the story of him forgetting his monthly pass.
This is when I realized the conductor gave me the incorrect change. I'm a dollar short. In all the hoopla with the stingy miser, the conductor was flustered and gave me $2 instead of $3. I'm now furthered annoyed at the bad karma Suit has put in the world and hope retribution comes swiftly. Maybe as a benign lump in his right testicle.
Later, I go to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with my friend, Dana. Now that is a film of it's own vein. Erasing painful memories to be happier in life. It answers the question, what if you could erase memories of the loved ones in your life and the events involved in those relationships? Lots of people want to after bad relationships. So this movie takes it to that step of how they'd do it and what would happen. It was genius, pure and simple. The fact is, erasing those memories probably don't make it any better for you. If anything, it makes you realize, as they are getting wiped clear, there are some special memories you want to keep. Not all relationships are bad. There are moments, like when Jim Carrey as Joel and Kate Winslet as Clementine are under the sheets talking. She goes on about how she always thought she was ugly as a child and has obviously not grown out of it. Joel sees this, her need for affirmation in her bare skin and tells her she's pretty, over and over. The techies are about to erase it when Joel realizes he wants to keep this memory, something so simple and sweet and fleeting as him telling her how beautiful she is. But he's unconscious and the tech's don't know he wants to stop the procedure, and that memory is lost. That poignant moment speaks volumes about how important one seemingly insignificant memory can be, how intricate it is to making you feel good to remember it. How indeed. The bigger message being that with the bad, comes the good. To erase all the bad and everything relating to it would be to erase the good and to change who you are as a person. Those things make up who you are and help you grow. Pain is as necessary as joy. Otherwise, how would you know the difference? No one knows how their relationships will turn out. It is likely there will be things that you won't like about the person you're with, that they'll get on your nerves and make you crazy, they'll make you want to strangle them and say mean, awful, hurtful, terrible things that you don't really mean. But if the fear that things will likely turn out badly, that it may not work out, that you'll want to leave each other keeps you from venturing forth, you will be missing out on all the things that could make you happy, and smile secretly over a cherished memory of a fleeting moment. Also, the other message I'll convey but not ruin the flick; there's no way to wipe your memory clean--there are always reminders.
This film really helped me address the rejection issue. And that all bad memories come with good ones as well. And it should be those fleeting moments that you take with you as tiny treasure boxes of joy. I guess I need to couple this with the movie 50 First Dates which I saw Sunday and how your memories are really important--the good and the bad. And if you could have your memory wiped clean on a daily basis, there will always be lingering remnants of those fleeting moments of joy that will come from your subconscious and manifest themselves in ways that people didn't think possible.
And finally, let me dig myself out of philosophical realm, there is such a thing as a second (or third or fourth) chance. They don't come very often and sometimes they aren't whole chances, but half or quarter chances; opportunities to make it right or take it a step further. When you have it presented to you, take it. It is literally a gift and those rarely come by, even in the land of karma. Even if it will end the same way possibly, there is that chance that maybe it will end better than before. But that is the ENFP in me speaking regarding possibilities. I do believe in no regret, in second chances, in the good and bad going hand in hand, and that you never know what could happen which is why you have to take advantage of every opportunity given you because it may not come again.
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